Skip to content

From a letter to James G.

things are going much better here. The [kids] from first
session have left, and in their place there are now 40 alumns and 48 older
and wiser newbies. They don’t wait for us to hold their hands; they know
what this place is all about, and they set to their mission without
prompting, laying creative dynamite all around them until the landscape is
littered with shards of hot words, completely re-formed.

I’m daily stopped dead in my tracks by one brilliant blast of creative
youth or another — asses shakin’ on the balconies before bedtime,
discussions of the uses of poetry over lunch, pranks in the computer lab
which use the autocorrect function to turn You to Me, night to day.
Impromptu parades singing “We all live in a Yellow Submarine,” banging on
cardboard boxes and tambourines and trashcans. We do live in a yellow
submarine; we’ve got our own atmosphere which we swin through. I stand
there and watch the kids; they sing out gleaming hellos and try to involve
me in their games, but I feel old. Dead wood. I stand there for fifteen
minutes trying to come up with a witty rejoinder, but by that time the
parade has moved down the hall.

(Today we came back from dinner to find a circle of sticks on the ground surrounding a banana and a series of religious symbols — Wiccan, Jewish, Unitarian — also done in twigs. “The banana’s dead,” said one of the boys. Jeff Miller asked if maybe all it needed was to be peeled and eaten; it appeared whole and unblemished. A wail went up. Sacrilege! “But it’s dead!,” the boy reiterated.

And then we came back from staffs and sports, and a small orchestra — two girls wailing, another on kazoo, and a guy on bongos — were playing a song that went something like

Menopause rocks my world

It should be free to all the boys and girls.

Oh. And one of them was in the computer lab checking out disturbingauctions.com. They may not all know who set up us the bomb, but they know a lot of things about cultcha that I don’t.)

Smalltalk

Sleeping and showering and eating and hanging out with the same people all day, every day, I am reminded how much I hate smalltalk. I go sit with Carlos at lunch. I hang my head over my same-iceberg-lettuce-ad-infinitum salad and ask him how his suite is. Good. He asks me how I am. Good. Leanne arrives with a tray of pizza and we ask her the same questions. Good. Everyone sips their iced soda in the icelike plastic cup between sentences.

There’s more we’d like to say. Sometimes we manage, and talk about Don DeLillo, or journals to get published in, or we open the pressure valve and let some hormones leak out over each other. We need the smalltalk, though; I hate it, but we do. We are tired of thinking of ways to convince our students that marauding through Charlottesville unchaperoned is not a vital part of the writing experience. We are exhausted from obsessing over where we’ll live when the program’s over. We need some way to reassure each other quickly that we’re alive, despite our complete sacrifice of our waking hours to younger writers, and concerned with each other’s well-being, I guess. Still, I always want the deep stuff.

When did smalltalk start? It’s only recently that I’ve found myself among big groups of people trying to hit my mark. I feel like I’ve written this before, but the part I hate most is adult kinds of parties. I used to love these when I was little. In elementary school I used to be at all my dad’s parties with his running buddies, or in junior high, parties thrown by the USC Slavic Studies department, where my mother was studying for her Master’s. I’d huddle in a corner, sneaking Doonesbury or Bloom County books off the bookshelves, reading them cover to cover. I got to be invisible and listen. One time at a 24-hour relay my dad was running, I stayed up long past midnight under the daylike lights of the track and wrote down snippets of conversations I heard outside our tent, stringing them into a long, impressionistic piece as the dew condensed on the tent sides. Every now and again I’d drop into the circle of conversation, make a precocious comment to a grad student some twenty years older than me but cute anyway, wow ’em with my early adulthood.

Being smart doesn’t have the same charm at parties anymore. I don’t turn invisible if I curl up in the corner with a book. That comes off as antisocial now. I can’t just start talking about Star Trek, either, or whatever else is on my mind. There’s new protocols for approaching people. It’s awkward, and unreal, like there’s some cardboard cutout of me in the room, a placeholder, and people feel inclined to interact with it. Behind it somewhere I’m still in the corner, listening and wondering who Jeane Kirkpatrick is when she’s not dating Bill the Cat.

Arse Poetica

Words substantially like those spoken to me by a young poet named Dan on the first day of the workshop, second session, in the dining commons

Yeah, I started off writing poetry as therapy too. I’ve gotten into exploring things more intellectually. I think that’s the case for everyone, going from therapy to something broader. Well, maybe not for T.S. Eliot.

It was important to me to capture my feelings when I started out. Nowadays I have an idea I want to get across to people. A lot of my poems, the heart is there, but not the head. I think I might want to go back to a lot of them and approach them in a different way.

When someone says you’re not a good poet, you should take it as a challenge. I have a teacher I took my work to who’d say “You can shorten this” or “This is a cliche.” I’d work hard on it, bring him things to show him what I was learning. Take it as a challenge, don’t give up poetry.

* * *

Did I mention why I gave up poetry? I gave up poetry because Garrett Hongo said I was a very good nonfiction writer and an OK poet. We were sitting in a corner of the big Bread Loaf barn in some period of downtime. Nearby one of my nonfiction classmates was playing the piano for women draped across it. A few nights before, Garrett had given me a look on the dance floor, when we were all out there shaking our rumps, and said, If only you could write the way you dance. I pestered him about that for a few days, because I wanted to know what he meant, but he only looked embarrassed. Looked like everyone but me was drunk that night.

I literally turned off my poetry after that day in the barn. All there’s been since is a few pieces of doggerel too short and spare to be essays, and late-night dallying in front of the magnetic poetry on the fridge.

Dan looked at me confused when I said I’d turned it off. People like to think writing poetry is an impulse, like love. Really, I don’t believe that about love, either. I turn it on and off, just like a spigot, with no squeaking, even.

It is even worse to romanticize writing than it is to romanticize love. We’ve got this whole cult of writing, poetry in particular, where it’s supposed to be suffering. People go mad to do it — everyone loves Sylvia Plath, right? All the teenagers at this writing workshop do. We aim to blaze and burn out early, artfully. There was this girl in my classes with Martin Espada once upon a time who would show up two buses late to class, sighing and spilling coffee on her already ink-stained hands, throwing down her notebooks and clutching her artificially wild red hair and wailing, “Oh, I have such WRITER’S BLOCK!” She’d bought the whole package. Martin raised an eyebrow and went back to teaching a poem about janitors.

It’s a kind of intellectual anorexia, this cult of poetry. Workshops are all about fluffing your poem and trimming its nails and recoloring the parts of it which were born too light or too dark. It’s read in a wraithy tone of voice, and it’s all about inspiration, not work, and god am I glad to be out of it. What I loved most about turning myself over to journalism was writing because you needed to get information from one place to another. The editor wanted your information to be on some reader’s dinner plate. It was a relief to not have to wait for the muse to strike. Poetry is a beast of workshops and readings, and now that I’m back on those catwalks I’m glad I work in a genre which has a tenuous relationship with them. I don’t miss wondering whether hers are bigger than mine, or whether I’ll ever end up getting a piece in Ozymandias Review.

I needed to get out of poetry to make sense of my life. Under Martin’s tutelage I’d been studying Pablo Neruda, who said he wanted his poetry to be a roof over his readers’ heads. He wanted it to have handles: to be accessible. Martin, meanwhile, was a regular Old Faithful of fumings about workshop-circuit writers who wrote about the perfect brie or putting a new wing on the house in the Hamptons. Bathroom Tile, he growled; this is Bathroom Tile poetry. He let us out of class to go to a protest, and stood watch over us, smiling from under his Kangol cap, out of his Castro beard.

It was my first protest, in an unseasonably warm winter with sun glinting on the signs and chanters. People were carrying food to the kids occupying a building over a change in workstudy rules and welfare rights. I wanted to help. Bemused, Martin excused me from a second class period to be outside.

It’s hard to live with Sylvia Plath all the time when there’s people in the streets and a nice breeze.

In the end, I gave up poetry because it was one more thing going on in my life. I was midwifing sheep and trying to make cable TV shows and editing part of the newspaper and breaking up with and returning to the bisexual boyfriend who’d provided so many poetic ideas. I had a year to settle down to one subject and make a thesis out of it. My thesis was in nonfiction.

and here we are tonight.

Baby Gonzo I

I’m going to be real casual here; writing at a workshop is fsckin hard, and I haven’t been able to make coherent sense of anything since I got here. Nothing seems of universal importance when your job is to hang out with people who are writing all day. Much of my time at the moment is taken up in running around making sure my suite of sixteen-year-old writers get to class on time, have their work edited and turned in, are eating breakfast and not throwing it up again, aren’t fscking the guys, etc. They get all up in my face about how this place doesn’t give them enough freedom ’cause they can’t leave campus at the drop of the hat. They throw the brochure for the workshop in my face, saying, Hey, this program is supposed to give us a college experience, this is a College Experience, we want our cars and we don’t want to be given a specific writing time, we want to write when we please and spend the rest of the time impressing guys who we admit are sleazy and immature.

So Saturday night I told them they had to turn in their pages at four o’clock the next day if they wanted them in the yearbook/lit mag, and then I didn’t warn them again, because I am not a nag and I am not their mother and it ain’t my g0dd^mn deal. Sunday I watched them leave campus when they should have been sprucing up their pages and I didn’t warn them then, and I watched them run around ten minutes before the deadline fussing with their hair and whining “This is just like having a term paper due!” as if to say We reject your overweening authority, Mr. Man, how is it you think you can turn our College Experience into a High School Experience with your oppressive deadlines?, and we were all half an hour late for dinner, and I muttered, You want college? Fine, here’s enough rope to hang yourself with. Welcome to the fscking college experience. You can’t handle it.

Further evidence karma is out to get me, I don’t know what for… probably joining the longhaired rebel boy in my high school class in staring at Laura’s blonde old head and psychically willing it explode. I’m sorry, god! Why god why am I cursed to relive high school schisms? Why did I end up with the people I went to Hampshire to escape, the people who wanted college to be all about beer and Freedom while I just wanted to talk about the Beatniks outside of class?

I’ll never have children. Working out a way to say “pick that empty cookie box up off the floor” without being authoritarian is a fsckin mindbender. I have infinitely more respect for my mother now. This is like working in afterschool, only I don’t get to go home and decompress at the end of the day. Plus the kids are so white and privileged, and so ignorant of it, for the most part, that I want to run up and down the balcony clutching my head and screaming.

Friday the literary journalism teacher took us out to the downtown kitschified area to do Gonzo journalism pieces. Some of the kids got prepped for it. A girl in my suite taped a towel to her belly and put a sweatshirt over it — pregnant — put barrettes in her hair to make herself look like more of a teen mom. The sweatshirt said Princeton on it. Huge drops of sweat were welling up all over her movie star nose. Another kid had Groucho glasses, one Gothed up, one tried some fake bruises and went around looking pathetic. Most kids didn’t do anything.

The fake-antique trolley with the wood benches we were supposed to take didn’t show up and didn’t show up. We stood around outside the bus shelter in the sun like a bunch of cows at Harris Ranch. No grass underfoot. Two black guys we didn’t know stood inside the shelter.

Anyway eventually we gave up and commandeered a workshop van. Me and one of my girls got left behind. While we were hanging out a UPS guy saw fit to comment on her fixing her bra straps. I told him off. My girl was impressed and said she didn’t figure she could do that herself.

Finally we all ended up in Downtown Schlockletsville. The teacher was there waiting, in her usual witchy-woman robes and a glass pendant. We hung out in a café drinking cold things, hit with blasts of air coming from an environmentally-sound and mostly useless fly buster at the door. Felt like a bunch of plantation owners with the kids out in the sun working. One group, we later found out, was busy harassing a Latvian waitress who didn’t understand what they meant by “non-alcoholic beer.” A Manhattan society-type was chucking snap caps at the feet of passerby. Some of the kids got lucky and fell into conversation with God freaks, Nigerian carpet dealers, ancient musicians.

We reconvened on the schlock bricks as an afternoon storm began to progress through the city. The kids didn’t think they had any stories — they tried to conceal this fact, but it was thick in the air like the humidity between the big drops the sky was shaking out. My girl who was pregnant had bought baby booties and a rattle. Here was a story — she had referred to my girl who’d been harassed by the UPS man as if they were having the baby together, and thrilled the boutique owners. Girl #2 was chagrined.

They’d been watched closely in the store. Had the cashiers caught on to the gonzo ruse? The teacher pointed out that fake pregnancy is a preferred method of covering shoplifting. They hadn’t even thought of that. “I want a baby,” whined Girl #1. Girl #2 concurred. What other excuse would you have to buy cute booties?

epilogue

The pregnant girl did write a gonzo piece in the end. I would put it here, if I could. Let her speak for herself. She wrote about how white trash it made her to be pregnant.

* * *

James: All you’ve really convinced me is I should carry a libertarian economist with me. That’d scare the molesting fsckers away. P.S. got the last postcard, tho I’d read it already on the Lab 🙂

Henry Kissinger, Oh How I’m Missing Yer

One of Tony LakeÂ’s and my assignments after each of the sessions in Paris with Le Duc Tho was to doctor the transcripts so that Henry would look good for posterity. There was a deliberate and conscious and very elaborate falsification of the record, including the insertion sometimes of humorous and erudite remarks that had not, in fact, been made at the table, but which we thought would serve historians well when they came to judge Henry’s statesmanship as well as his humor-which of course was, I think, almost as important as his diplomatic achievements. I remember quite vividly, in fact, spending a good deal of time writing speeches and trying to concoct jokes for appearances in this very building, in which he was, as you must remember, the darling of the American press. –Roger Morris

Quote taken from Harper’s forum on Kissinger, which I somehow missed though I caught Hitchens’s two-part article. Again, a very edifying piece of work, check it out.

Pa’lante La Dada: The Internet, Where Smalltalk Becomes Meaningful

Seen on Yahoo:

Hot Topics

· Talk about the Weather!

(among the subtopics: Best Weather, Extreme Weather, Acid Rain. A lot of these people are asking about

Dogs

There has never been a Kuro5hin story that struck me quite like this one. Innovative, and interestingly written. Ultimately I guess it’s petit jeux, but it’s a worthwhile etude to think about the effects of domestication. It also provided a link to the study on the domestication of foxes I learned about in Ray Coppinger’s class back in the day at Hampshire. The crux of it is that when you take the friendliest foxes, breed them to each other, and breed the friendliest of their offspring, the progeny start demonstrating characteristics of domesticated dogs — floppy ears, piebald markings, and neotenic (childlike) physical forms and behavior — after a few generations. Neoteny is apparently the key, as it is with human creativity. Neat, huh?

Department Of Stupid Media Tricks: Reverse-Engineering AP Articles

Some AP and other newswire articles seem to be not just flatulent prose taken straight from PR bulletins (be that from companies or tourist bureaus), but also take on a coating of cheese from the fatuous personal fixations of the stringers regurgitating their content. I come to the latter conclusion under the presumption that John Travolta’s handlers wouldn’t really think it important to mention how many Golden Raspberry awards the man got.

Then again, judging by the casual mention of Travolta’s “religion” in the article, methinks his PR flaks may well be of the same faith (that one as makes a sacraments of putting rattlesnakes in the mailboxes of journalists who expose them as the MONEY-GRUBBING CULTISTS THEY ARE), in which case they probably have all the facts on the man and are too whacked out to know how to use them to best effect.

But enough about journalists and whacked-out cultoid freaks. Let’s have a letter to men:

This part of this post taken to “time out” until it can cool down and play nicely with others.

We’re Live!

Great googly moogly! My site’s back up! Prayz lawd! Man it’s been a while. Protest.net got hacked last week, and it *took* a while (cough) for the Anarchist Powers That Be to get it back up. uhh… Many thanks to Kellan and Evan for their help in remedying this situation… aaah, ultimately it doesn’t matter if I damn or praise them here, because they don’t read what I write anyway.

Well, then, let me catch you up on almost nothing. Here’s a lot of sites I hit, and some observations about them:

Stupid Media Tricks

There’s been a rash of articles on the AP and Reuters newswires which are witness this one, where the writer neglected to mention until the sixth-to-last paragraph that the Eve from whom we are all supposed to be descended is NOT the bilbical one, but an African fossil dubbed Eve by a scientist.

weather.com has a pain index map! Hah! Today it is indicating that U.S. citizens will experience pains in a lovely unbroken swath of army greeeen.

Stupid Pop Culture Tricks

Tommy Hilfiger has his own line of dolls, which are like the American Girls dolls, only God knows what he was thinking if he meant these ones to be role models, or sympathetic to modern girlies. Witness:

Madison lives in New York. Her parents are divorced, but still good friends; once a week, the three of them go out to dinner. Madison loves to draw, and her favorite subjects are math and art class. She always carries her video camera so she can make movies of the people she meets.

I love that once again, a detail like “she loves to wear nail polish” gets mentioned in the three-sentence bios for these “characters.” And that there’s fifty million brand-name accessory packs, because “Dolls, just like real girls, are not content with just one outfit.” (Of course, one of the packs includes the obligatory Ugly Pants, those pants which are too tight around the butt and knees, wrinkle at the thighs, and flare out repulsively at the calf. They look good on NO-ONE, but every woman in New York City wears them anyway. Not me! Ha!) And one of the dolls has hair just like Hillary Clinton. And the African-American doll is a jet-set-brat from super-white Denver. What the hell is this guy trying to prove?!

I promise you, one of these days I’ll revive the “Real American Girls” series we created years ago (Sly and Arlo, remember them? I still have the original sketches), with Pearl Ann, the little Dust Bowl dollie who only has one dingy dress, and Theresa, the Navajo girl whose hair is shingled when she is forced into an off-reservation boarding school, and “Chrissie,” the cross-dressing doll who is terrified that mom will find out that he, also, “loves to wear nail polish.”

Reverse Jingoism

Logging on to Blogger mid-afternoon, when all the Europeans are posting, is fascinating. Why are most Spanish-language sites so much more interesting than your average American site? Is it MAYBE because we’re a bunch of stupid uneducated hicks? Hmm.

They Give Good Ear

Usually all my good music tips come from my mom, an avid KCRW listener, but this time Dad’s made a good find, somewhere around the bailiwick of Dr. Demento as usual: The Tiger Lillies are fsckin’ great. Someone likened ’em to Jacques Brel and Tiny Tim and British music hall, and I would add Monty Python.

blah blah blah Indymedia blah blah blah blah blah

John Tarleton, an Indymedia volunteer and sometime co-author of mine, has his own website, which I only learned of recently. He’s an interesting guy — tells stories about the work he does harvesting blueberries in Maine, hitchhikes all over, stuff I wish I could do but don’t dare.

* * *

Confidential to the Good Senator: Loopy mumuu toilet water, francs of Chef Boyardee, tartain plaid. I saw the Loper in Enfield, you didn’t. Of course, this message is going to make as much sense to anyone else as it does to you. How’s that for cryptic? (P.S.: that has nothing to do with how depressed I was.)

Contemporary Art

Today’s selections: A gewgaw which makes art out of bot-crawlings. (Extra points to the site creators for recognizing the connection between fly-blow and Google.)

Tony Earley has excerpts up on Salon. I do wish it was more than excerpts. Tony is my favorite author ever since I saw him paralyze a roomful of snooty author types (all of whose stories seemed to begin “They met while completing their master’s degrees in New England…”) reading his story about pro wrestlers. Tony was never without his red baseball cap; he’s balding a little. I found myself doing laundry next to him once that year I was up at Bread Loaf. I still kick myself for not having struck up a conversation. He seemed very laid-back.

I am crashing badly, having been to Hampshire this last weekend for graduation. (There is more to this post, but it is strong stuff, and I’m not posting it now. Suffice to say I didn’t need to go back.)