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Monthly Archives: April 2001

Short Attention Span Theater Presents: Mindless Desiderata

From The Vaults: Essay I wrote for a really awful nonfiction course at Smith

On Grammar, Syntax, Punctuation, Spelling, and Capitalization Punctuation Gandhi once said that a society could be judged by the way it treats its animals; but in truth punctuation is the one true measure d’une societé, the one true measure of a society. Whole city layouts can be read in its skillful use: the courthouses, the [...]

Race

It is time to post this. I’ve spent too long on the draft, I’ve forgotten the perfect title I came up with for it, and the fire’s dying. In 1966 and 1967, Apaches at Cibecue portrayed “the Whiteman” as hippie — mumbling, awkwardly effeminate, and… “rich but pretending poor.” In 1970, VISTA volunteers descended on [...]

En La Tierra Que Hay Detrás De Mis Ojos…

6^WD 1Z 3L337!

From The Vaults: Vacation Diary August 1999, San Francisco

Crappy motel. Proof positive that the “sani-bands” on toilets mean nothing: I pull it off our room’s toilet cover and find drops of urine all over the seat. Hotel’s neon sign is right outside our window. Trolley goes by every ten minutes or so and the Patel Motel Cartel is having a family reunion next [...]

Detritus: The Man Under The Marine Layer In The Coco Helado Suit

I’ve finally brought All Mirth No Matter Productions, my ridiculous little fantasy about producing short videos, to life. Currently Internet Explorer doesn’t read the page right, so you won’t get the video loading in the right frame like it’s supposed to. It will load in another window you may not see right away, and take [...]

Detritus: “um, Whatcha eatin’?” “CHHHALK!”

Things of note: First of all, y’all Cali-haytas can step. If y’all still don’t know why to like California, my sista take yo a$s to schoo. Captures the character of the local biome succinctly and vividly. Nextly, check out Ariel’s art. Nothin else like it nowhere. I hope she keeps arting in some way; it [...]

Stupid Newswire Articles #2034

Clinton buys a Cuban cigar in a London airport. His other purchase, a tie with frogs on it, warrants Reuters attention. And the continued embargo against Cuba? And Castro’s policies, benevolent and malevolent?! What do you have to do to get attention in this g0dd^mn media sinkhole?! I had a surreal Castro experience today. I [...]

The Bearer of Bad News

I have never been called upon to be the sole carrier of really bad news before. I frantically cast about thinking of someone else who could do it.