Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are a brand. Let’s just admit it, all right? Not people, a brand. Thanks to the reporter who stated the obvious in this article about their new magazine. It’s called marykateandashley magazine. Clever, right? Did you know that the brand promoted by these horrible humanlike by-products of the television industry includes a cartridge which will turn your Game Boy into a day planner? Did you know that these terrible sirens are enticing children to do things which normally make children run screaming in fear, like taking cruises to Stockholm? Did you know they like shoes? Oh, stop already, I’ve had enough. How long until we hear that these scrawny chicken-birds are posing underage for P1ayb0y, and are reminded with a creepy-crawly feeling up our spines of the first time we saw them gurgle and coo at the camera on Full House?
Just so you don’t get the wrong idea and think that being a twin involves having some horrible genetic defect that makes you want to turn yourself into an advertising device, I want to remind you that I have twin sisters who are perfectly normal.