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Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are a brand. Let’s just admit it, all right? Not people, a brand. Thanks to the reporter who stated the obvious in this article about their new magazine. It’s called marykateandashley magazine. Clever, right? Did you know that the brand promoted by these horrible humanlike by-products of the television industry includes a cartridge which will turn your Game Boy into a day planner? Did you know that these terrible sirens are enticing children to do things which normally make children run screaming in fear, like taking cruises to Stockholm? Did you know they like shoes? Oh, stop already, I’ve had enough. How long until we hear that these scrawny chicken-birds are posing underage for P1ayb0y, and are reminded with a creepy-crawly feeling up our spines of the first time we saw them gurgle and coo at the camera on Full House?

Just so you don’t get the wrong idea and think that being a twin involves having some horrible genetic defect that makes you want to turn yourself into an advertising device, I want to remind you that I have twin sisters who are perfectly normal.

66 Comments

  1. Brandon wrote:

    dude the olsen twins are freaking hot mary-kate especially i know you cant tell em apart but i like her better unless ashley has a great personality

    Thursday, December 12, 2002 at 10:19 pm | Permalink
  2. Ben wrote:

    I agree with Brandon. They’re totally hot now! I hope you’re right and they do show up in Playboy….

    Thursday, January 2, 2003 at 11:35 am | Permalink
  3. Anonymous wrote:

    Don’t get your hopes up you pervs! Those girls will never pose for playboy. I have been a devoted fan of theirs since I was two. I know the girls and I have watched what they do enough to know that it will never happen. They are the perfect role model for little girls, and they have their heads on straight. I am so tired of everyone saying they can be bought. Well you are all wrong. It will never happen. Oh, and they are so much more than a brand, they are wonderfully charming young ladies who have a wonderful future ahead of them.

    Thursday, March 13, 2003 at 4:26 pm | Permalink
  4. Anonymous wrote:

    you’re gay

    Monday, March 17, 2003 at 9:45 pm | Permalink
  5. Anonymous wrote:

    i heard the olsen twins really were posing in playboy

    Tuesday, April 8, 2003 at 9:27 pm | Permalink
  6. jeni wrote:

    i think there really,really popular.i like them very much and i dont wont to go to posing in playboy

    Thursday, April 10, 2003 at 9:18 am | Permalink
  7. Hazel wrote:

    I WANT MY OWN CARTOON!!! …. if only i had a twin

    Friday, April 11, 2003 at 9:31 am | Permalink
  8. Anonymous wrote:

    well guess what they have already signed a contract with Hugh Hefner and they will be in playboy 0n thier 18th birthday

    Tuesday, May 6, 2003 at 4:24 am | Permalink
  9. JEff wrote:

    They have really fat heads and wear too much eyeliner..n they’re really short

    Wednesday, May 28, 2003 at 10:22 pm | Permalink
  10. sarah wrote:

    i’ve watched since i was 5 .and they are my role model.my friend Jack is in love with them .and people that say meen things about them suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Sunday, June 8, 2003 at 11:03 am | Permalink
  11. sarah wrote:

    i’ve watched since i was 5 .and they are my role model.my friend Jack is in love with them .and people that say meen things about them suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Sunday, June 8, 2003 at 11:03 am | Permalink
  12. Anonymous wrote:

    Jeff is such an ass hole those girls ROCK!!!dude i totaly agree wilth brandon

    Sunday, June 8, 2003 at 11:08 am | Permalink
  13. Anonymous wrote:

    Quoting from a previous post “Those girls will never pose for playboy.” Obviously you don’t know the olsen twins as much as you think…they already signed with playboy. Once they turn 18 they will be 2 of the hottest playmates.

    Sunday, June 15, 2003 at 1:04 pm | Permalink
  14. Anonymous wrote:

    The last guy was correct, there was a VH1 special that stated that they signed a contract with playboy already.

    Thursday, June 26, 2003 at 12:30 am | Permalink
  15. rachel wrote:

    oh yes, i maybe a twin but im not a slut and i don’t pose for playboy,and they need a life. and if you have enough time to disagree with me then you don’t have a life. :)

    Thursday, June 26, 2003 at 11:26 pm | Permalink
  16. David wrote:

    How can they sign a contract. They’re still minors and could only sign with parental consent. What parents would agree to let the entire world see their children naked?

    Sunday, June 29, 2003 at 4:35 pm | Permalink
  17. ILOna wrote:

    Hi every body!!!I think this girls are super.Some there fotoes are perfect,but not all.

    Friday, January 2, 2004 at 12:00 pm | Permalink
  18. Anonymous wrote:

    woa, when did you see that special. Perhaps you could tell us the name of it so we could check on that because i cant find anything on vh1 backing that up.

    Saturday, January 3, 2004 at 8:48 pm | Permalink
  19. Anonymous wrote:

    shut up gus

    Monday, January 12, 2004 at 6:50 pm | Permalink
  20. andyb wrote:

    mk&a r totally hot i am only 14 i i have the sense to say they r cool ne1 who doesnt agree r tossers

    Sunday, January 25, 2004 at 4:14 pm | Permalink
  21. gus wrote:

    Andy, I’m sorry, but here in the US we’ve got the TV turned up so loud we can’t hear any English but American English… we don’t know what “tossers” are. you might want to rephrase your inslut. I mean insult.

    Sunday, January 25, 2004 at 5:55 pm | Permalink
  22. mick wrote:

    it is impossible for mary-kate and ashley to have signed a contract with hugh heffner or playboy to appear in playboy when they turn 18, due to the fact they would have had to be less than 18 to sign such a contract and the fact the contract would be non legally binding unless the party so mentioned is over 18.

    Friday, January 30, 2004 at 11:36 pm | Permalink
  23. Anonymous wrote:

    What do you guys think is so hot about Mary kate and ashley? I mean what makes them different then any other 17 year old celebrity? (talking about their looks)

    Wednesday, February 4, 2004 at 4:59 pm | Permalink
  24. k_lol wrote:

    any one her naw the olsen twins email tall me at cat_dxb@hotmail.com ok bay (K)

    Wednesday, February 11, 2004 at 2:16 pm | Permalink
  25. Twins Are Hot! wrote:

    First off the olsen Twins are incredibly sexy, sure they really don’t have any talent, but their “MK&A” line of products is worth over 1.2 billion dollars. So they are doing something right. Oh and did I mention how incredibly hot they are?

    Wednesday, February 18, 2004 at 5:52 am | Permalink
  26. Sexy Boy wrote:

    Ashley Is The Hottest By Far Plus Shes Got Bigger Tits Mk Has A Flat Chest And Ash Has A Wy Better Personality As I Have Met Them Both And Mk Was A real BITCH And Was UGLY But Ash Was The Total Oppisite

    Friday, February 20, 2004 at 10:28 am | Permalink
  27. Anonymous wrote:

    they are so freakin hot. i think they should pose and show off the great body god gave them!!!

    Tuesday, February 24, 2004 at 8:32 pm | Permalink
  28. Anonymous wrote:

    Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen are expoited by capialist pigs. Heil Bush and the evil capialist regime or crminals in the Bush regime’s administration.

    Friday, February 27, 2004 at 9:05 am | Permalink
  29. Both Bush & Kerry are Skull and Bone members! Do you really think you have a choice in the USA now? You vote Bush or Kerry and the winner will still carry out the agenda of the Skull and Bones!

    Either way, regime change on January 15th 2005!

    Friday, February 27, 2004 at 9:15 am | Permalink
  30. Anonymous wrote:

    http://www.bushwatch.org/family.htm

    Friday, February 27, 2004 at 9:18 am | Permalink
  31. Anonymous wrote:

    bushwatch.org/family.htm

    Friday, February 27, 2004 at 9:19 am | Permalink
  32. mary-kateandashley no.1 fan wrote:

    I so do not beleive that the Olsen twins are gonna pose nude. U can tell they’re just not like that. I mean u neva see them wearing the most revealing clothes when they’re at the beach, they wear a normal two-peice bathers … & why the hell did sumone bring up george bush? this is supposed 2 be about mary-kate and ashley!!

    Friday, March 5, 2004 at 6:46 pm | Permalink
  33. Adam wrote:

    hey People. All of you that think Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen will not pose…..God have mercy on you because you are very miss informed people.
    I have talked to Mary-Kate and Ashley over Msn, and Yahoo! and they stated that they are going to pose. All of you people that disagree with that then just stop cause they are both very open people. MK&A WILL POSE AND AL THAT SAY THEY WONT GO TO HELL OR SUMTIN CAUSE YOU ARE WRONG.
    P.s. Dont ask for there e-mails cause i will not give it to you.
    Sincerly Adam (Leon) Fillion….just call me Leon in the posts you send

    Friday, March 5, 2004 at 8:00 pm | Permalink
  34. courtney wrote:

    adam, you are very very naive if you think you are actually talking to the real mary kate and ashley. They would never waste their time trying to clarify the truth behind the rumors of Playboy. Especially not to some people on line they don’t even know. They are obviously much too busy multimillionaires to worry about that. Get REAL.

    Sunday, March 7, 2004 at 1:05 am | Permalink
  35. Tatiana wrote:

    tHESE PEOPLE ARE DUM

    Saturday, March 13, 2004 at 9:18 pm | Permalink
  36. ashley_fan wrote:

    I adore MK and Ashley I think they’re great and soo talented.I don’t believe that they’re gonna pose!! They’ll never do that.I think Ashley is WAY beautiful than Mk cause Mk’s face is fat! and her new hair sucks, plus she is fat and her personality doesnt fit mine. I ADOREE ashley!!

    Thursday, March 18, 2004 at 11:00 am | Permalink
  37. jennifer wrote:

    i think tey’re amazing tey’re really good actrises and i hope the will be more succesful in Holland (it’s at the beginning) most people know them from full house lots of love and -xxx-jes jennifer

    Friday, March 19, 2004 at 5:03 pm | Permalink
  38. gus wrote:

    Hey MK and A fans! Here’s a quiz for you! Can you tell me what the following words mean?
    1) Sirens
    2) By-products
    3) Scrawny
    4) Genetic defect
    5) Enticing
    6) Horrible
    Bonus points: Can you guess what the person who wrote the post above thinks about Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, now that you’ve defined those words?
    Extra bonus points: Can you tell me why you think this is a place to talk about how much you love the twins or want to see them naked?

    have fun, kids!

    Friday, March 19, 2004 at 5:13 pm | Permalink
  39. Eric wrote:

    Gus-

    If you think everyone is so lame for coming here and discussing MK and A, then why do you keep coming back? None of these people give a shit if you like the discussion or not, your posts seem more pathetic than any of the other one’s i’ve read, so why dont YOU get a life and quit coming here? You know just as well as I do that if MK and A pose for playboy you’ll be first in line to get your copy so quit being a moron.

    -Eric

    Thursday, March 25, 2004 at 8:25 pm | Permalink
  40. Eric wrote:

    Gus-

    If you think everyone is so lame for coming here and discussing MK and A, then why do you keep coming back? None of these people give a shit if you like the discussion or not, your posts seem more pathetic than any of the other one’s i’ve read, so why dont YOU get a life and quit coming here? You know just as well as I do that if MK and A pose for playboy you’ll be first in line to get your copy so quit being a moron.

    -Eric

    Thursday, March 25, 2004 at 8:26 pm | Permalink
  41. gus wrote:

    Just to clarify:
    a) I’m a straight woman.
    b) This is actually my website.
    c) I genuinely wonder if anyone who posts here is clear on the tone of the post they’re responding to, and if they are, what the internal mathematics are of their decision to ignore the tone set by my initial post.
    d) I also wonder if any of these responders realize this is a blog, not a bulletin board/forum, and how this affects their decision to post.
    e) I don’t just wonder these things out of idle curiosity; this is actually my job (I am doing research on new media literacies).

    ta!

    Thursday, March 25, 2004 at 11:22 pm | Permalink
  42. AMu Adams,Caina wrote:

    I think that Mary kate & Ashley would not Pose because I knew them ever since I was 4 ok and thery would not do something like that ok/… I have a quiz for all you wanna bees. who is older?
    Who was born first,and by how many mins?
    does Mary kate have a middle name, if she does what is it?
    what is thier least subject that they like,in school?
    And what is their favorite subject?/ e-mail me a Amyadamsfan01

    Thursday, April 1, 2004 at 6:08 pm | Permalink
  43. Ryan wrote:

    they beter pose becase they are very hott

    Tuesday, April 6, 2004 at 9:43 pm | Permalink
  44. Riley wrote:

    HEY. MKA ARE SO HOT. I LOVE THEM. I THINK THEY WILL POSE NUDE. THEY WOULD BE GREAT. I LOVE THEM. I CHAT WITH THEM THEIR E-MAIL ADDRESS IS : feel_like_home_86@aol.hotmail.com

    Wednesday, April 7, 2004 at 1:40 am | Permalink
  45. Anonymous wrote:

    hello

    Friday, April 9, 2004 at 11:27 pm | Permalink
  46. Gussucks wrote:

    Gus you are such a homo! What the hell is wrong with you? Im only 12 and I know MK & A are the hottest and coolest people ever! You Suck!!!!!!

    Monday, April 12, 2004 at 3:05 pm | Permalink
  47. Gussucks wrote:

    Got that big head out of your tiny ass yet Gus?

    Monday, April 12, 2004 at 3:08 pm | Permalink
  48. You stupid shit “The real jeff”. We dont need you in here telling us what we can and cant get you fucking homo. Why dont you go get that hooker “your sister” and go the heck away. I hope Mk&A pose they are so HOTTTTT!Later peeps:)

    Tuesday, April 13, 2004 at 9:27 pm | Permalink
  49. tyler wrote:

    hi
    I love you.

    Wednesday, April 14, 2004 at 2:14 pm | Permalink
  50. luke wrote:

    does anyone actually have a real msn address for them???

    Tuesday, January 31, 2006 at 10:07 am | Permalink
  51. Natalie evans wrote:

    hi does any on have mka email or msn name if u do please email it to me at mjevans8@aol.com.

    i love mka and im there number 1 fan love u mka

    Saturday, May 27, 2006 at 1:02 pm | Permalink
  52. James wrote:

    You guys don’t know what you talkin bout. They both asked me out.Trust me I’m a chick magnet you mother fuckers. I’m 19 and they asked me out

    Friday, June 9, 2006 at 6:49 pm | Permalink
  53. Anonymous wrote:

    reconstruct tedious shotguns putting reprobate….

    Tuesday, September 5, 2006 at 6:17 pm | Permalink
  54. no one wrote:

    i just want MKA olsen email…if any one have add me at ( funky_girl_kate3@hotmail.com )

    Friday, September 29, 2006 at 1:19 pm | Permalink
  55. no one wrote:

    i just want MKA olsen email…if any one have add me at ( funky_girl_kate3@hotmail.com )

    Friday, September 29, 2006 at 1:19 pm | Permalink
  56. tasha wrote:

    jeff is dumb MK & A are awesome and i know u want 2 screw them jeff you suck ther dads balls all night long i love mary kate and ashley i watch there show there so hott from natsha im a less to so call me @6048693141

    Wednesday, October 18, 2006 at 6:11 pm | Permalink
  57. tash wrote:

    jeff just shut your mouth & go screw your mumma

    Wednesday, October 18, 2006 at 6:16 pm | Permalink
  58. michelle wrote:

    they are soo cool they are pretty and they have a great body.

    Monday, October 23, 2006 at 9:36 pm | Permalink
  59. kurt wrote:

    i have mary kate n ashleys msn brapppp!!! speak 2 me if u want it kurt_hadwin2k6@hotmail.co.uk

    Friday, March 9, 2007 at 6:21 pm | Permalink
  60. kurtis wrote:

    i have mary kate n ashleys msn addys brapppp if u want it ask

    Friday, March 9, 2007 at 6:23 pm | Permalink
  61. BOB wrote:

    I HAVE MARY KATE N ASHLEYS MSN

    JUST ASK IF U WANT IT GUYS THERE R BOTH TOP TO SPEAK 2

    JUST ASKKKKK

    Friday, March 9, 2007 at 6:41 pm | Permalink
  62. ljkjkjh2gmail.com wrote:

    i already know them enough that i have already had sex with both of them at the same time.

    Saturday, March 10, 2007 at 3:09 am | Permalink
  63. troy smith wrote:

    hi do u girl s have a boy friend

    Tuesday, April 3, 2007 at 8:39 pm | Permalink
  64. serra nergiz wrote:

    ı love you mary kate and ashley olsen ı like yours everything ı think ım a twin like yours

    Monday, April 23, 2007 at 3:02 pm | Permalink
  65. MKLJJ wrote:

    I HAVE SPOKEN TO MK, I DIDNT KNEW IT WAS HER, BUT SHE HAS A CAM, SO I THINK IT IS HER miss_mkay_olsen86@hotmail.com THERE YA GO:)

    Friday, April 27, 2007 at 2:18 pm | Permalink
  66. azzza1234 wrote:

    i would love to fuck them both and the dudes who i gay fuck off please cuz trying to wank over em and your turning me off so fuck off or els………?

    Friday, May 25, 2007 at 1:13 pm | Permalink

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