Skip to content

Special Abilities

I am over at the Edels’ house the Edel boys are depressed even Sokin he doesn’t live there but he’s one of the brothers (special ability: living in spite of depression). Sokin says this place will burn. (Sokin special ability: seething anger. Philosophy +10.) Gareth says it won’t it’s my personal hell; it’s made of asbestos I say (special architectural ability!) Gareth says those stacks of books aren’t stacks of books hey they’re a special kind of asbestos for keeping the hell in. (special ability: improvisational comedy Yes And, +1.)

Gareth leaves the house maybe twice a week he has taken to role playing the sixteen-sided dice are all over the table I say this is called Depression, my friend, he says No it’s not I can show you the clinical definition of depression (weaponry: DSM IV) and Stephan says and you meet it (witty rejoinder -2) it’s called Denial my friend I say (special ability: dramatic capitalizations; gentleness -2) and Gareth invokes the DSM and we are all stricken with wonder whether Denial is actually in there. We all talk vaguely about what we want to do (ambition +2, focus -2) and we all say graduate school and someone says Culinary school is only six months long (weaponry: croque-monsieur!) and I can’t do that because I’m vegetarian No Stephan says Heather did a vegan culinary program and I think jo-jeezly-eezus, there’s a school for black mages: Incantations for the total destruction of sensory pleasure.

Sometimes I think, I say and I end the sentence and let my head loll to the side and let the pause go on too long Please finish that sentence Stephen says it sounded interesting (earnest flattery +2) I explained how I develop pauses to make my little sister laugh (special ability: absurdist comedy) and then how I almost got into role playing with Wendy Winet’s older brother Evan (special ability: charring Hello Kitty in protosatanic backyard rituals) but never did because when they told me I could get special powers for handicapping my characters I was so taken with the idea (monomania +10) I gave my characters crooked legs and paranoia and dwarfism and elephantitis and kleptomania until the sun went down (obfuscation 100%) and by the time we tallied up the scores we didn’t have time to play I said all this is by way of explanation.

What I really mean is sometimes I feel like as a leftist I’m just adding handicap after handicap to my success.

That’s too deep a thought for this time of night said Stephan (special ability: TMI-guard) -16 for using the term Leftist said Gareth, progressive progressive (special ability: dogma). Wasn’t there a Marxist-Leninist-Maoist skill you could choose in Superspies and Ninja Masters? asked Stephan yes it was so you could infiltrate communist governments, if you were part of a federalist government they just presumed you couldn’t get along in a communist society and what are the advantages and drawbacks well I don’t know we can only guess (biotech +100, literacy +80, sense of humor -100).

* * *

Is there a way to love someone only in print? Is it a pathology when it happens, or is it a yet-undiscovered art form? Will it raise our defenses, to help us or harm us?

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *