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Return of the Cheese Fries Reviews

Management has changed due to Circumstances. Welcome to new collaborator F.

Mulligan’s, Avon, OH

F: I’m going to stop freaking out about the Skinny Girl Vodka, and I’m going to stop freaking out about the fact the Cleveland Indians still have that mascot.
G: They do have a jukebox. It has Daft Punk and Radiohead.
F: (idly watching a TV) Too bad we’re not seeing those ads where they demonstrate those transition lenses that go from dark to light. The best way they could come up with to show that was to have someone moving their head as it transitioned from day to night. It’s the best representation I’ve seen of acid kicking in.
(Waitress arrives with plate of cheese fries)
Waitress: Careful, the top plate’s hot.
G: That’s an indicator it’s top-broiled.
F: This really is a science. You have criteria!

G: Cling is also a criterion. And then layering of the cheese… I’m not sure how they’re doing on that one.
F: I don’t think they’re doing well.
G: Oh, they only have one layer of fries.
F: I love how you say that like you’re a mechanic — “well, there’s your problem!”
G: The fries are not quite crisp enough. They’re not cooked enough underneath.
F: Maybe they got wet.
G: The cheese is not great, but could be worse.
F: Yeah. It could be nacho cheese color of lifejackets.
G: There’s certainly a lot of cheese.
F: Yeah, they don’t skimp. But there’s confounding factors: I’m nomming hard in a way I wouldn’t be if we hadn’t just escaped the iron teeth of Cleveland… The way the cheese isn’t good is reminding me of way my dad would make grilled cheese sandwiches when my mom was away.
G: There’s a story behind why bakon and I don’t do this anymore…
(Flashback to the Chicago Incident. And a sadder story about why Bakon and I apparently don’t talk to each other anymore.)
F: We had such a day of contrasting experiences. That fancy bakery in the morning, then the Jello museum, then farmland, then downtown Cleveland, then this place.
G: I was wondering what the experience of the people who come here is.
F: It looks like the kind of place everyone in town comes every week. I was noticing that despite the bikers there’s people here of all ages — kids, elderly couples.
G: Do we just assume we know what their experience of this place is?
F: We do.
G: our positioning of ourselves is as people who constantly experience differences. We have positioned ourselves as counter to these people — who we assume live in an ongoing state of sameness — for years. We shouldn’t just assume. But how do we have a conversation with them?

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